OH, OH, OH, I’M ON FIRE

The RONDEAU is yet another French form.  Each line has eight to ten syllables that flow in an undulation of upbeats and downbeats.  The first line begins with a refrain and ends with a rhyme.  The refrain (A) and two rhymes (a and b) are woven through the fifteen-line structure in the order demonstrated below.  Online sources cite this sequence as the most common of the variations that exist for this versatile form.
In addition, I managed to kill two prompts with one poem, #11 Night and #12 Change.  Call it cheating if you want; I’m calling it ingenuity.

menopause-3

AFTER THE CHANGE

Aa    On restless nights post-menopause,
a       as hormones yield to nature’s laws,
b       dreams disrupted by hot flashes
b       In their throes, she madly thrashes,
a       and her sweat-damp nightgown claws
a       as though its neckline were the cause
a       bemoaning sleep as once it was
b      Cool water on her face she splashes
A      on restless nights
a       Back to the bedroom she withdraws
a       to wrestle in insomnia’s
b       firm grip until, at last, she crashes,
b       up again as fever rachets
a       and manly snoring shakes the walls
A      on restless nights

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MORE AAACKS THAN BILL THE CAT!

A great place to utilize poetry is in writing SONG LYRICS, our Tower Group assignment for the next meeting.  My answer to the challenge is a simple limerick series (like last week) with a refrain.  More Trump bashing?  You betcha.  If “the Donald” wants us to quit roasting him,
he needs to stop pouring gasoline on the fire.  “When you put it that way, it sounds like a pack of blatant, stupid lies,” someone remarked.  Umm, yeah.  That’s pretty much the definition of “alternative facts.”

donald-1

JUST OUT OF BRAIN-WASHINGTON
(From Trump’s Lips to Your Ears)

Refrain:
Believe in alternative facts
Whoopee for alternative facts!
Put the truth on the shelf
and keep telling yourself
“I believe in alternative facts”

Believe in alternative facts
All you need is alternative facts
Disregard honesty
and repeat after me
“I believe in alternative facts”

Verses:
My inaugural crowd was so vast,
it’s sure to remain unsurpassed
That people would think
a few marchers in pink
had outdone us, that leaves me aghast
(Refrain)

My cabinet’s filling up fast
and seats for advisory staff
A fluke that their owners
are generous donors
who stuffed my campaign’s Super-PAC
(Refrain)

The intrusion by Soviet hacks
to manipulate votes that were cast
was nothing but rumor,
a scheming maneuver,
pioneered by irate Democrats
(Refrain)

Shut up with the yakkity-yaks
about showing returns from my tax
The public and press
couldn’t care any less
so forget it, that’s all in the past
(Refrain)

Bowling Green coverage was lax,
but now that we’ve issued the facts
the Circuit Court Judge
who wouldn’t be budged
will be bringing my Muslim ban back
(Refrain)

Vetting in the aftermath,
based on dozens of terrorist acts,
will bar Yemen and Syria,
Somalia and Libya,
Sudan and Iran and Iraq
(Refrain)

I’ll repeal the ObamaCare Act
toss that nonsense into the trash
The poor and oppressed
will have open access
to the privatized plan we’ll enact
(Refrain)

The Mexican Wall is on track
and they’ll pay for it all, so relax
An astute business man,
I have things well in hand
Under sanctions, Nieto will crack
(Refrain)

Ignore all the Standing Rock whacks
set on blocking the pipeline contract
Army Corps engineers
say there’s nothing to fear
There’ll be no ecologic impact
(Refrain)

And by the way,

Ivanka did not get the axe
At Nordstrom’s, she’s selling like crack
So don’t wait to peruse
her fine jewelry and shoes;
they’re flying right off of the racks!
(Refrain)

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IMPEACHMENT RHYMES WITH ORANGE #ALTFACT

This week on JustJoan42, we welcome our old friend, the LIMERICK.
A limerick is a five-line form with a waltzing beat that often involves bawdy humor.  The first, second, and fifth lines contain seven to ten syllables, rhyme with each other, and conform to the same rhythmic pattern.  The third and fourth lines are shorter, rhyme with each other, and have the same rhythm.  Perhaps the most famous one begins this way:  “There once was a man from Nantucket…”  Google it if you’re unfamiliar.  WARNING: this poem is political.  Believers in alternative facts may wish to put their fingers in their ears and hum until it’s over.

red-button-2

OPEN LETTER TO THE SENATE

I’m sure Bernie didn’t envision
his campaign would end in recision
His bump from the race
left us in a bad place:
Trump or Clinton, a dismal decision

I held out until the last minute
amid warnings Donald might win it
The odds seemed remote
but I cast my blue vote
To be honest, my heart wasn’t in it

I paled as Ohio turned red,
fighting panic as westward it spread
I threw up a prayer
for the country’s welfare
and uneasily tossed in my bed

I woke the next morning unrested
Seems popular vote had been bested
Why do we acknowledge
the electoral college?
Red’s so-called win hotly contested

Despite opposition’s outrage,
the U.S. became Donald’s stage
Teamed up with Bannon,
another loose cannon,
he’s gone on a reckless rampage

His cronies warm cabinet seats
Detractors are out on the streets
He pokes other nations
and threatens relations
with his inappropriate Tweets

Senators, please take a stand
and impeach this tyrannical man!
Before it’s too late,
pry our nuclear fate
from the grasp of his miniscule hands

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PROMPTED TO SING THEM BLUES

Another way to write a poem is to start with a PROMPT.  We do this in my poetry group; at the end of the evening, we choose a topic for our next meeting.  While it’s not mandatory to follow it, the prompt acts
as an idea generator.  The variety of ways different people approach the same subject always proves interesting.  Prompts can come from many sources–writing guides or classes, internet sites, etc.  I found the list below on WordPress, on the blog of a friend of a friend.  I greatly admire anyone with the discipline to write a new poem every day for
a month.  I am slowly working through, and my current prompt is #5, Blue.  That reminded me of a short piece I did for Writerrific last year.  Our assignment was to choose a color and personify it (assign human characteristics to something non-human or abstract).  It’s not a poem, so I’m not off the hook on my project, but I thought I’d dust it off and share it.  Listen as Miss Navy coaxes the Blues right outta that horn…

31-poetry-prompts

SINGIN’ THE NAVY BLUES

I’m the middle child of the Blues, a deep but underappreciated color whose name nobody remembers.  I hoped things would change when I won a place on the American flag but found victory empty when I was reduced to a number (70075), the backdrop for the fifty “real” stars.  A second chance at fame took a painfully ironic turn when I learned that the “Dress Blue” uniform of the Navy is actually black.  If I really apply myself, I can shrink an ample bedroom to the dimensions of a prison cell, a magnificent parlor trick no one cares to witness.  The smallest box of crayons to even include me is the 64-pack, where there is a high probability I will never leave my assigned seat, let alone rendezvous with the built-in sharpener.  I envy Teal and Cerulean and Cobalt their flashy popularity, making guest appearances on sports cars and swim- suits and Kitchen Aid mixers while I remain eternally in the shadows, a lackluster hue woven into the pleated tartan skirts of Catholic school- girls.  Only the most discerning eye sees me for what I am, an enduring classic with potential to steal the show, my smoky voice matching the saxophone note-for-note as I belt out them Birth Order Blues.

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TOO LATE TO BE GREAT AGAIN?

The Presidential Inauguration is less than three weeks away.  Soon, a bigoted sociopath sporting a fake tan and bad toupee (not to mention, the most feckless cabinet in history) will be running our country.  How have we strayed so hopelessly off course, so far from our forefathers’ vision?  I mourn the America of my childhood, to which I pledged my allegiance with my hand over my heart – a land of hope that promised liberty and justice for ALL.  The piece below is an ELEGY, a mournful, melancholy, or plaintive poem, usually a funeral song or a lament for the dead.  To ramp up the difficulty factor and kill two poetic forms with one stone, it also meets the exacting criteria of a VILLANELLE.

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STAR-SPANGLED ELEGY

America, what has become of thee?
One man, one vote our motto, yet we mock it
where money silences democracy

Test scores measure kids’ proficiency
while teaching them to think not on the docket
America, what has become of thee?

In fear, we forfeit civil liberties,
abide elected hands in corporate pockets
and money silences democracy

A wall, our immigration policy
Just slam the door on foreigners and lock it!
America, what has become of thee?

The war machine rolls on eternally,
its Big Wheels churning suffering into profit,
the money silencing democracy

Yet, mired in patriotic fantasy,
we raise our fists to any who would knock it
America, what has become of thee?
where money silences democracy

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‘TIS THE SEASON OF RERUNS

starbucks-red-cup

I have been busy, busy, busy this week, so I’m recycling a post from last December inspired, in part, by Starbuck’s dilemma about serving their coffees in red holiday cups.  Relax and enjoy this encore presentation:

THE TWELVE BANES OF CHRISTMAS

HOLY HOLIDAY HOOLIGANS, BATMAN!  These evil yuletide villains have returned for the season and may be headed to a city near you:

PUMPKIN SPICE MEISTER is the mastermind behind a diabolical plan to take over the world before the New Year by slowly invading every product line, from flavored coffee drinks to scented doggie-poo bags.

THE RED-CUPSTER, disguised as an ambassador of political correct-ness, pulls shameless publicity stunts to conjure up conflict, squelch goodwill, and distract the public from the real meaning of Christmas.

THE ZAPSTER incites electrical mayhem by tangling up strands of lights, hiding the multi-outlets you know you just bought, shorting
out extension cords, and blowing random circuits in the fuse box.

THE NEEDLER sucks up endless gallons of water and sheds every time you look at him.  Stay calm and don’t make a move toward the vacuum cleaner or he will spontaneously combust and set your house on fire.

THE MUDDLER employs hypnosis to take control of brain cells, causing confusion, incomplete lists, multiple trips to the store and post office, and inability to recall what it was you crawled up into the attic for.

THE PRANKSTER joins random groups of carolers and sings off-key, deploys his fart machine during church services, transforms prime parking spaces into queues for shopping carts, and teases the family dog by hiding little sausages in the toes of all the Christmas stockings.

THE SCOTCH TAPESTER is an obsessive-compulsive psychopath driven to secure all loose folds of wrapping paper directly onto the box, thus insuring that each and every package is sealed up as tight as Fort Knox.

THE TOPPLER creates a powerful optical illusion that causes you to see your tree as straight when it is, in fact, quite crooked.  He then arranges all the heaviest ornaments on one side and chases the cat up the trunk.

THE PEEKSTER dislikes surprises, so he secretly unwraps his Christmas gifts and examines the contents, then carefully rewraps them and puts them back under the tree.  His archenemy is the Scotch-Tapester.

THE SAMPLER pops into the kitchen and helps himself when your back is turned.  He sneaks nips of the good whiskey and is especially fond of “finger foods” such as cookie dough, cheese balls, and turkey gravy.

THE SHRINKSTER performs his evil magic throughout the season on everything from cardboard shipping boxes and the trunk of your car to your holiday budget and the waistband of your favorite pants.

THE LEFT-OGLER stands there forever holding the refrigerator door open, picking at the turkey carcass and checking out the Tupperware, before walking away whining “There’s nothing to eat around here!”

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TWO SPOOKY SEVENLINGS

A Sevenling is a seven line poem comprised of two tercets and a final one-line stanza.  Each tercet contains a grouping of three.  The two groupings can be connected directly or indirectly or not at all.  The last line is a summary, punchline, or juxtaposition.  Meter and rhyme are optional.  This form feels mysterious, offbeat, or disturbing, as if only part of the tale is being told.  Enjoy a bite of sugar-free Word Candy!

ADULTING ON HALLOWEEN

Doorbell
Doorbell
Doorbell

Candy
Candy
Candy

Sometimes, it pays to be short

 

ghost-in-mirror

SPECTRE IN THE BATHROOM

Dead eyes
Sallow cheeks
Unruly horns of hair

Not rattled
Not spooked
Certainly not scared

Of the crazy hag reflected there

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BRAVING THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

dog days 5

I am NOT a summer person.  The light is too bright and direct.  The sun is too hot.  During these long stretches of 90-degree days, I stay inside feeling sorry for the crunchy brown lawn and wilted flowers.  One daily outing, however, cannot be avoided.  Both dogs go bananas when it’s time for their walk.  We climb into the car and drive to an unpopulated farm lane where they can frolic for fifteen or twenty minutes.  One has a reflective light brown coat; she could stay out all day bouncing back whatever the sun throws at her.  The other is a Lab mix whose black fur absorbs the heat.  In minutes, he’s feverish and his hide is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.  It takes him a few hours to recover from all that fun, but by the next afternoon, all is forgotten.  He is raring to go again and simply won’t take no for an answer.

BLACK DOG WALKING

A touch of heat exhaustion on a walk is
a minor sacrifice in service of a major treat,
like scorching our thighs on the vinyl seats
of Mom’s Buick on trips for ice cream

At the farm lane, he bounds out of the car
dancing with and dodging the sweltering sun
flitting in and out of the cornfield, wallowing
in the creek, flopping under a shady pine

On the ride back, he claims the armrest,
slyly elbowing toward the dashboard until
his long tongue hangs an inch from the vent
panting and gulping the refrigerated blast

He slurps long and deep at his water bowl
as if he has discovered an oasis in the desert
He withholds the last mouthful in his jowls
and dribbles it across the cool ceramic tile

to his favorite spot, where he collapses
onto his side and remains for a long time
underfoot, motionless, barely breathing
a stiff-legged silhouette waiting for

the canine police to draw a chalk line
around him and question the witnesses
He blinks back to life, shaking off his coma
long enough to relocate to the couch

Tomorrow, if I say there will be no walk,
it is far too hot for a black dog to be out,
he will whine that I am overprotective.
Don’t I know he was only playing dead?

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ISN’T IT IRONIC?

No, it probably isn’t.  Irony is not what most people think, apparently.  Rain on your wedding day?  Sorry, Alanis Morissette.  Those untimely sprinkles were an unfortunate coincidence, but they were not ironic.  According to Dictionary.com, irony occurs when the outcome of events is contrary to what was expected.  Although you hoped your wedding day would be sunny and perfect, you didn’t actually expect it, did you?  But if you sent a limo for the groom to insure he would arrive on time, and he walked in late because the limo broke down, you might be onto something.  The short poem below is my version of irony:

everything 3everything 4

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING

Mise en place, mise en place,
“Everything Bags”
were a Seventies craze
plugged on late night TV.

Stored all my stuff
in its organized pockets,
then misplaced the bag…
Oh, such cruel irony!

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YOUR KOSHER DOG TOUCHED MY TOFU PUP!

two dog night

I recall with increasing fondness the get-togethers of yesteryear.  We’d call a few friends, set up some lawn chairs around the bonfire, and run to the market for beverages and ice, dogs and burgers, and a big bag of marshmallows.  Someone might bring a guitar.  Or we’d all just talk the night away.  Our biggest worries could be solved with a can of OFF or the confiscation of a set of car keys.  Today, it’s a whole different story if you want to be the:

HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST

Remember summers long ago
when cookouts ‘round the fire
meant people ate a Wonder bun
stuffed with an Oscar Mayer?

Nowadays, I text my friends
and await with trepidation
replies that outline special needs
and their accommodation

One eats only kosher meat
that’s free-range and organic;
Whole Foods wieners fit the bill
so there’s no need to panic

Someone else turned vegan
and he fancies Tofu Pups
Perhaps I’d hit the health food store
and pick a package up?

Another guy can eat no bread
unless it’s gluten-free
So get the buns, if you don’t mind,
from Rudi’s Bakery

And food dyes are a no-no
so he can’t eat yellow mustard,
but Grey Poupon would do just fine;
forgive me if I’m flustered

I send a second message out:
Please furnish your own food,
whatever suits your principles
and allergies and mood

I’ll just supply a blazing fire
and with a smile, I’ll greet ya,
in one hand, pointy barbecue forks,
in the other, my margarita.

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