WELCOME TO THE 50+ CLUB

Remember all those years you sat at the Kiddie Table,
wishing you were old enough to join the adults?
Well, here’s a list poem of what you were missing.
(Don’t forget to request your 10% AARP discount!)

THE OVER-FIFTY MENU

Whine choices:
My Back Hurts
My Knees Hurt
My Feet Hurt

Complimentary Reading Glasses

Appetizer:  Lactaid or Rolaid

Entrée:  Extra-Virgin Colonoscopy

Side:  Mashed Boobs

Vegetable:  Nighttime Pees

Dessert:  Dental Crumble

After-dinner drink:  Flu Shot

(Is it too late to go back to the Kiddie Table?)

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19 thoughts on “WELCOME TO THE 50+ CLUB

  1. Tippy Gnu February 17, 2019 / 10:00 am

    The kiddie table was fun. We had food fights. And we could sneak-feed the bad stuff to the dog. And nobody cared if you interrupted someone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan February 17, 2019 / 10:34 am

      Our family get-togethers were more sedate, no throwing of food, no dog. Grub was always set out buffet-style so we could take what we wanted. For kids who prefer a plateful of noodles, sweet pickles, and jelly beans to meat and vegetables, it was a dream-come-true; no dog necessary. But by the time you hit 12 or 13, you feel too sophisticated to sit next to somebody wearing a bib and drinking out of a sippy cup. You want to know what’s going on at the Big People Table, what they’re eating, what they’re talking about. Mystery solved, they’re all eating fiber and talking about their ailments. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Tippy Gnu February 17, 2019 / 3:11 pm

        And that should give a young person a strong clue as to why one should not be in a hurry to grow up.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. judyrutrider February 17, 2019 / 10:31 am

    Yup, they didn’t warn us about all those things and the myriad of other maladies to come. Thank goodness they kept it to themselves!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan February 17, 2019 / 10:43 am

      There was a bit of a double standard, I think. At home, who farted in class was not acceptable dinner table conversation, yet adults talk with each other over meals about their intestinal issues and many other gross subjects. Of course, the big people kept secrets from the kids. Who would want to grow up if they knew what “adulting” involved? 🙂

      Like

  3. murisopsis February 17, 2019 / 6:04 pm

    Had to laugh. We still have a kid table but the youngest kid is 15 and the oldest is 31… Until some of the real adults die none of the kids are moving up to the big table!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan February 17, 2019 / 6:20 pm

      Thanks, Muri. If you adults keep eating your fiber and vitamins and getting your preventative health exams, your kids could stay kids forever. Whether they realize it or not, that’s a gift. Is the Polar Vortex still spinning around up there, or have you guys gotten a break? Stay warm. 🙂

      Like

    • Just Joan February 18, 2019 / 11:26 am

      Thanks, Snoozin. I turned the big 5-0 on my last birthday, but the Over-Fifty Fairy, with her bag of tricks, had already been a fixture in my life for quite some time. Around this time last year, my sister came to visit for a few days. On the last night of her stay, we went to Lee’s Country Fried Chicken for dinner. After we ordered, she grabbed a table and I waited by the counter for our meals. Some random guy in line saw my graying hair and said I should ask for a discount; Lee’s offers 10% off to AARP members. I told him I wasn’t yet 50, and therefore ineligible. When our food was ready, I carried the tray to the table and told my sister about Random Guy’s comment and we both had a good laugh. Midway through the meal, the same guy wandered over to our table and started yakking about the senior discount again. He said, and I quote, “Even if you’re not old enough, you should ask for it. They don’t make you show an ID or anything, and believe me, you would pass.” I wanted to ask him if they gave any sort of discount for having a foot halfway up your ass, because he was about to. 🙂

      Like

  4. circumstance227 February 23, 2019 / 6:04 pm

    I can so relate! Bizarre aches and pains and spasms are a part of my daily life now and I keep wondering why no one told me what aging would be like when I was young. Except that they probably did and I tuned them out.
    And now, I am all caught up. Thanks for a really enjoyable couple of hours, 42 – and for being such a gracious stalkee!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan February 23, 2019 / 8:26 pm

      Anytime, 227. Nice to see you out and about. We just got back from a friend’s birthday party, so I need to kick off my shoes, shed my foundations, knock back a couple Tums, and collapse on the couch. Currently bingeing BBC’s Silent Witness. 🙂

      Like

  5. Quirky Girl March 1, 2019 / 3:20 pm

    Wow… the kiddie table is sounding like an increasingly appealing option. I think I’ll choose to stay there for the rest of time, thank you very much. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan March 1, 2019 / 7:14 pm

      Sounds like a plan. Why don’t kids realize how good they have it? Like naps. Adults dream about them; kids won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole. LOL. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan June 14, 2019 / 10:32 am

      You slow down because you have to, later you realize not having to hurry is the silver lining of the big 5-0 cloud. 🙂

      Like

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