SIMPLY (IR)RESISTIBLE

The Mister is planning a tail-end-of-the-season RV trip and keeps trying to persuade me to come along.  I almost get swept up in the romance of it, almost.  I know the minute I let my guard down, the RV gods will sock it to me.  One minute, we’ll be rolling along fine, the next, the brakes will overheat, a tire will blow out, or we’ll miss one effing sign and end up on a gravel road in the middle of nowhere. Or we’ll hit a pothole and fail to notice that a bicycle bounced off the rack and has been dragging behind us, burning rubber and throwing sparks, for the past five miles. Once we’re settled in the RV camp, the dog will piddle in our bed, the coin-op washing machine will steal my quarters, and the unique mini-lights that were supposed to make our RV easy to find after dark will turn out to be so popular they’re on half the campers in our section.

The following are parodies of The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe and The Nymph’s Reply by Sir Walter Raleigh:

THE PASSIONATE RV-ER TO HIS LOVE

Come away with me, my love,
asphalt below, blue skies above
We’ll roll along in our RV,
off-the-grid and schedule-free

We’ll snub the boring Interstate
and motor where adventure waits
Roads less traveled, scenic paths,
fate our compass, fortune our map

We’ll eat at local Mom and Pops
like breakfast dives and donut shops,
have a second or third coffee
and ask the waitress what to see

Claims to fame, local landmarks
Waterfalls, amusement parks
Town museums, covered bridges
Winding trails up mountain ridges

Evenings, we’ll enjoy sunsets
from lounge chairs on the upper deck
and share a bottle of Chardonnay
as waxing night meets waning day

Then go inside and watch TV
or pull the shades and make whoopee
in the flickering light of a 12V bulb
Come away with me, my love

HER TRAVEL-WEARY REPLY

If traveling in our RV
was comfortable and trouble-free
and as idyllic as you describe
I’d hit the road with you, my love

Clear blue skies are unsurpassed
but sometimes storms are forecast
We’ll have, without a reservation,
no power, water, or dumping station

Country roads are picturesque
but oft confound the GPS
And a breakdown out in Boonie-Ville
is sure to dampen my goodwill

Over time, I’ve grown immune
to the lure of booths at greasy spoons
The trailer door is just so wide;
our asses might get stuck outside

Hauling lounge chairs to the deck
and down again is a pain in the neck
And sunsets pale, however stellar,
in a haze of OFF! and Citronella

If gypsy life possessed the charm
and easiness of Home Sweet Home
my hermit self might then be moved
to hit the road with you, my love

Have a comment?  Click HERE to share it!

Below are links to my RV series from 2016:
RV-ING FOR BEGINNERS
INTERMEDIATE RV-ING
ADVANCED RV-ING

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25 thoughts on “SIMPLY (IR)RESISTIBLE

    • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 11:40 am

      Thanks, PB. The long and short of it? No matter how well-prepared you are, shit will happen on the road. I have dealt with a runaway cat, snow in late April, a frozen toilet valve, GPS black holes, an oven that took over two hours to heat a semi-frozen lasagna, a 90-year old neighbor who left his shades open 24/7, you name it. 🙂

      Like

      • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 3:05 pm

        What? You mean “Come away with me, my love, asphalt below, blue skies above…” doesn’t work with her either? Smart lady. 🙂

        Like

  1. Joyce Roninson October 14, 2018 / 10:47 am

    I really like this one. All sounds idyllic but give me a hotel anytime.
    But always enjoyed the ride.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 11:43 am

      Thanks, Joyce. I am the opposite; the ride is torture, I’m a much happier camper once we get where we’re going and get settled in. 🙂

      Like

    • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 3:04 pm

      Thanks, Dianne. It covers the basics, but you learn more about crisis management every time you take a trip. You haven’t lived until you’ve taken a 15-year old dog with weak legs and a bladder that can’t hold more than an hours worth of pee on a thousand mile trip to the coast so he can swim in the ocean. Or crossed the George Washington bridge in NYC towing a car on a car trailer… 6 axles = 60 bucks, which I had to retrieve from a locked fire safe under the bed while the toll booth lady waited. 🙂

      Like

  2. Tippy Gnu October 14, 2018 / 2:24 pm

    This reminds me of that old movie, The Long, Long Trailer, starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. I don’t like RV’s either. I prefer getting good gas mileage and being able to park just about anywhere I want. And it seems no matter how much you save on motel rooms, it still costs more to own and operate an RV than to bite the bullet and pay for lodging.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 3:29 pm

      Thanks, Tippy. I’m sure Lucy and Desi put a humorous spin on campers and camping. RV-ing is not about saving money on vacation; RV’s are gas guzzlers at <10 mpg and sometimes a full hook-up in an RV park costs as much as a cheap motel room. It's a culture. Also a way of being able to take your pets with you and have your own space (albeit small) when you travel. It's convenient when we visit family because it's not that far (150-200 miles), we can camp for free in their driveway, and we don't have to hire a pet-sitter. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. humanitiesphilosophy October 14, 2018 / 3:30 pm

    So what I am reading here, incredible as it sounds, is that you may not wish to go?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Just Joan October 14, 2018 / 3:37 pm

      You got it, Mister. The RV god shall be your co-pilot. Bon voyage. 🙂

      Like

  4. murisopsis October 15, 2018 / 7:19 am

    I had to laugh! My Sparky has on several occasions suggested “camping” as a cheap alternative to the costs of traveling. I however refuse to sleep on the ground. We camped in our youth. Endured storms while attempting to sleep in a car, a small Toyota… there is misery and then there is camping!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 15, 2018 / 11:48 am

      Thanks, Muri. RV’s are a giant step above the kind of camping where you sleep on the ground, but they come with their own set of challenges. I’ve camped in a tent, car, Jeep, VW Bus, and RV. I usually find rain/storms very soothing, what I hate are the mosquitoes lying in wait to eat me alive when my feet touch the wet grass the next morning. I’ve been called a pessimist, but I think “realist” fits me better. Problems are a little less annoying when you anticipate and prepare for them rather than just pretend they won’t happen. 🙂

      Like

  5. judyrutrider October 16, 2018 / 10:06 am

    Come to sunny Southern California: No insects; no rain; beautiful winter! You’re welcome to camp on my vacant lots which have a splendid view in three directions. (electricity available from the neighbors) BTW, I hope I’m not the only one who spit up her coffee at the “Will it fit?” cartoon placed almost immediately after the list of entertainment options.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 16, 2018 / 10:18 am

      Thanks for your generous invitation, Judy. Getting the ol’ bucket of bolts to Cali would be the problem. No insects??? What pollinates all the produce grown out there? I almost spit out MY coffee when I read your comment about the cartoon being a reflection on the “entertainment options.” That was completely unintentional, but hilarious. 🙂

      Like

  6. Quirky Girl October 16, 2018 / 10:56 am

    You simply must go on this RV adventure! You’ll have (many) years worth of writing material afterward. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 16, 2018 / 11:27 am

      Thanks, Quirky. I’ve been traveling with hubs for thirty years now, and RV-ing for eight, so I already have the patience of Job and enough material for a trilogy. Maybe an entire encyclopedia. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. K E Garland October 18, 2018 / 10:45 am

    HA! I’m going to have to print this out and show it to my hubby, who wholeheartedly wants us to buy and RV in a decade or so and drive across the country :-/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 20, 2018 / 6:05 pm

      Do all men have this crazy fantasy? Stand your ground, KE. If you decide to do it, hold onto your socks; a new motorhome could cost more than your real house! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. L. T. Garvin, Author October 21, 2018 / 9:41 pm

    Well, I have to say, I like the romantic lure of an open road, but as I can also see, there are some significant pitfalls, haha! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 22, 2018 / 2:56 pm

      Yeah, it all sounds dreamy until reality pinches you in the second half! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. circumstance227 February 23, 2019 / 4:38 pm

    I love this one! – Too funny. Who ended up winning the argument anyway? (Or will I find out in an upcoming post about your latest breakdown in Boonie-ville?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan February 23, 2019 / 5:04 pm

      The homebody, me. JudyRutrider’s comment is hilarious, scroll down. 🙂

      Like

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