WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

Seems anything can be a sport these days, even things that require little or no physical skill or talent.  Like chess.  Or poker.  Since I suck
at chess and cannot control my “tells,” I need the Olympics to hand
out gold medals in something for which I possess natural aptitude:

THE BEDROOM SPORT  —  Sonnet
(No, not that one!  Geez, get your mind out of the gutter.)

If snoring were to be declared a sport,
a competition all night long would rage
Chuffing Chortle versus Thunder Snort,
contenders on the PosturePedic stage
Pure monotone or wild cacophony?
Scoring-wise, it doesn’t really matter,
but uvulation is compulsory;
the judges gotta hear them tonsils rattle
A deviated septum raises hell,
like a double chin or lying on your back,
all guaranteed to boost your decibels
and jerk the needle on the seismograph
But in the end who wins, you or your mate,
depends on who’s asleep and who’s awake

Have a comment?  Click HERE to share it!

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

    • Just Joan October 22, 2017 / 7:37 am

      Thanks, Scott. No CPAP in the picture (yet). Why mess with perfection? My dogs both snore, too, bedroom is like a sawmill. 🙂

      Like

  1. Marissa Bergen October 22, 2017 / 1:05 pm

    Luckily snoring is not too much of an issue in my house. It makes for good comedy and a great poem but really not a healthy condition to have.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 22, 2017 / 7:25 pm

      Thanks, Marissa. Snoring is not an issue for you? Ask your hubby before giving a final answer. Almost everyone does it, and unless it’s raucous (keeping someone else awake) or apneic (you stop breathing), there is little a doctor will do about it. CPAP for the snorer, earplugs for the one who can’t sleep. 🙂

      Like

  2. chevvy8 October 22, 2017 / 10:04 pm

    Yes, the ultimate is in who is asleep and who is awake. A nice touch of humour here Joan. Of course many snorers are denialists until you’re confronted with a recording. I’ve been told I snore as soon as I fall asleep but then I’m not awake 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 23, 2017 / 5:10 pm

      Thanks, Chevvy. I think the winner of a snoring contest is the one who’s asleep. I’ve never been confronted with a recording, but I’m doing a sleep study in December and am quite sure they will let me know what I’m up to during those semi-conscious hours. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lennon Carlyle October 24, 2017 / 4:58 am

    Good one Joan! Wish I could sleep LOL This insomnia is kicking my ass. Happy Tuesday my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan October 24, 2017 / 4:50 pm

      Thanks, Lennon. Insomnia is the worst, I wish I knew what would work for you. Try to avoid Rx sleeping pills if you can; they’re highly addictive, hard to stop taking them once you start. 🙂

      Like

  4. L. T. Garvin, Author October 24, 2017 / 11:19 pm

    A sonnet to snoring, I love it! I’d much rather be the person asleep, for sure, ha ha. I’ve plotted murder when I’m the person awake. But I’ll deny that in court if I’m questioned, lol! A fun poem detailing my favorite sport of all….sleeping!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Quirky Girl November 7, 2017 / 6:57 pm

    Cute poem! I’m pretty sure snorers have all the fun. Snoring is simply not fun for non-snorers… unless they’re actively kicking, poking, or rolling the noisemaker. 😬

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just Joan November 8, 2017 / 2:28 pm

      Thanks! In our household, all four of us snore (me, hubby, two dogs). I have a bit of hearing loss, that works in my favor as far as getting to sleep. 🙂

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s