An EPISTOLARY poem, also called a verse letter or letter poem, is simply a poem written in the form of a letter. It can be addressed to anyone—a lover, a deceased grandmother, an older or younger self,
a newspaper editor, a pesky telephone solicitor, even God Himself.
Or anything—a season, a childhood toy, a diary, an abstract concept
like love or evil or justice. To whom (or what) would YOU write?
Me? This morning, I lifted my heavy, aching head from the pillow and cursed the wildly bouncing barometer for the ruckus going on behind
my eye sockets. Before shoving the perp into the back of the cruiser
on a one-way trip to Urgent Care, I’d offer him one last chance to do
the right thing. Possibly, I’ve been watching too many cop shows…
Recent weather changes
have increased pressure on us
to arrest your activities.
Be assured, whichever
cavity you may have infiltrated,
you will be flushed out.
So much as a sneeze,
and your cover will be blown.
There’s nowhere to run.
Dozens of Suda-FEDS
are patrolling the perimeter,
prepared to dispatch
a specialized SNOT team
of highly-trained germ warriors,
armed with Z-packs
and authorized to strike.
Consider this your final warning:
Cough up the hostage
and come out with your hands up,
and nobody will get hurt.
Fail to comply and you’ll
end up cemented inside a Kleenex
at the bottom of a landfill.
The Booger Police
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