I recall with increasing fondness the get-togethers of yesteryear. We’d call a few friends, set up some lawn chairs around the bonfire, and run to the market for beverages and ice, dogs and burgers, and a big bag of marshmallows. Someone might bring a guitar. Or we’d all just talk the night away. Our biggest worries could be solved with a can of OFF or the confiscation of a set of car keys. Today, it’s a whole different story if you want to be the:
HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST
Remember summers long ago
when cookouts ‘round the fire
meant people ate a Wonder bun
stuffed with an Oscar Mayer?
Nowadays, I text my friends
and await with trepidation
replies that outline special needs
and their accommodation
One eats only kosher meat
that’s free-range and organic;
Whole Foods wieners fit the bill
so there’s no need to panic
Someone else turned vegan
and he fancies Tofu Pups
Perhaps I’d hit the health food store
and pick a package up?
Another guy can eat no bread
unless it’s gluten-free
So get the buns, if you don’t mind,
from Rudi’s Bakery
And food dyes are a no-no
so he can’t eat yellow mustard,
but Grey Poupon would do just fine;
forgive me if I’m flustered
I send a second message out:
Please furnish your own food,
whatever suits your principles
and allergies and mood
I’ll just supply a blazing fire
and with a smile, I’ll greet ya,
in one hand, pointy barbecue forks,
in the other, my margarita.
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Wait a minute! Is that margarita wheat free? Ha, ha! Great one Joan!
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Tequila is made out of wheat? Holy shit!
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Ha, ha!
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Sorry, I don’t drink alcoholic beverages. Got any non-alcoholic margaritas?
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Not a good thing to ask a frustrated person with a fistful of pointy BBQ forks!
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Well true. I’d wait until you were too tipsy to aim accurately.
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Well, I certainly hope that is an organic margarita with fair trade limes and locally sourced tequila (with no worm please, I believe in animal rights!)
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Uh-oh. Next time, you better bring your own. 🙂
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