YOUR KOSHER DOG TOUCHED MY TOFU PUP!

I recall with increasing fondness the get-togethers of yesteryear.  We’d call a few friends, set up some lawn chairs around the bonfire, and run to the market for beverages and ice, dogs and burgers, and a big bag of marshmallows.  Someone might bring a guitar.  Or we’d all just talk the night away.  Our biggest worries could be solved with a can of OFF or the confiscation of a set of car keys.  Today, it’s a whole different story if you want to be the:

HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST

Remember summers long ago
when cookouts ‘round the fire
meant people ate a Wonder bun
stuffed with an Oscar Mayer?

Nowadays, I text my friends
and await with trepidation
replies that outline special needs
and their accommodation

One eats only kosher meat
that’s free-range and organic;
Whole Foods wieners fit the bill
so there’s no need to panic

Someone else turned vegan
and he fancies Tofu Pups
Perhaps I’d hit the health food store
and pick a package up?

Another guy can eat no bread
unless it’s gluten-free
So get the buns, if you don’t mind,
from Rudi’s Bakery

And food dyes are a no-no
so he can’t eat yellow mustard,
but Grey Poupon would do just fine;
forgive me if I’m flustered

I send a second message out:
Please furnish your own food,
whatever suits your principles
and allergies and mood

I’ll just supply a blazing fire
and with a smile, I’ll greet ya,
in one hand, pointy barbecue forks,
in the other, my margarita.

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